IT'S SCHOOL TIME!

Parenting Tips for a Successful School Year

For many parents, dealing with the back to school transition tends to trigger feelings of dread.  “This means getting my kids into new routines with no more late nights or sleeping in,” says one mom.  “It sure is a battle waking them up in the morning and getting them out of bed, not to mention making sure they eat a good breakfast!” 

As another dad admits, “I am dreading the homework hassles.  I have enjoyed our house being a homework-free zone over the summer.” 

Here are some ideas to help smooth the transition back to school.  These parenting tips are useful year-round, so even if your children have already returned to school, but things are somewhat chaotic or disorganized, it is not too late to apply these pointers. 

Getting Organized.  To prepare for the upcoming school year, it is useful to have a family meeting where you establish rules which outline for your children how you expect them to behave.  Some general things that children need to do may include picking out school clothes and packing their school bag the night before. 

You should also develop routines, particularly for weekdays.  Children like routines because these repetitive sets of activities provide structure, consistency, and predictability.  As an example, the morning routine would involve waking-up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, getting school bag, and being ready to leave for school on time.  Routines should also be set up for activities such as meals, homework, chores, bath, and bedtime. 

Explanations.  Children are more likely to cooperate when they are told why certain behaviors are expected of them.  After outlining for your children how you want them to behave, explain why the particular behavior is necessary. 

As Todd’s mother tells her 9-year-old, “You need to get your things ready the night before school because this reduces the morning rush.”  Todd’s mom also points out that going to bed on time is essential so that Todd will be well-rested by morning. 

Consequences.  Emphasize to your children that if they do not stick to the rules, a consequence will follow.  A reasonable consequence should be applied each time there is a misbehavior.  Be sure to tell your children what the consequence will be before they break a rule.  This way, they’re more likely to cooperate.  

Consequences should not be punitive or severe.  They are intended to motivate positive behavior and short-circuit rebellion.  Take 8-year-old Jill who used to refuse to get up when the alarm went off.  Kathy, her mom, reacted as parents often do when their children rebel – she lost her temper and yelled at Jill.  After realizing that her yelling wasn’t working, Kathy enrolled in a parenting class to learn how to gain Jill’s cooperation. 

The instructor recommended that Kathy use consequences as a tool to motivate her daughter to behave.  “Tell Jill that she must get up when she hears the alarm, and if she doesn’t, there will be a consequence (e.g., she will not be able to watch her favorite TV show).  Have Jill repeat the rule out loud.  This way, you can be sure that she understands what’s required, and what the consequence will be if she rebels.” 

After implementing the instructor’s recommendations, Kathy noticed instant results.  Jill got up when the alarm rang and continues to do so.  Kathy is thrilled that the pending consequence motivated Jill to cooperate.

Daily Chart.  A good way to help your children behave is to make a chart that is tailored to their comprehension level which lays out the routine you expect them to follow.  Once a task is done, the child checks it off on the chart. 

In addition, encourage your children to identify privileges that are important to them, and help them pick out which ones will be forfeited if they don’t follow the rules (e.g., Sara, 5, agrees, “If I don’t keep my room tidy, I’ll have to miss my next ballet class”).  These consequences should also be listed on the chart.

Some parents find it useful to use a computer spreadsheet to create the chart.  Once established, post the chart in an area where everyone can see it, such as on the fridge or a bulletin board. 

Staying Positive.   At the end of the day, review the chart to make sure all the activities listed have been completed.  If everything is checked, acknowledge your children’s efforts.  Be sure not to reward them for staying on task because this can hinder the development of their self-esteem.  When children fulfill their responsibilities, such as folding their clothes, they feel a sense of accomplishment.  They also feel proud about helping to make the household run smoothly, like when they wash the dishes.  These positive perceptions foster self-esteem.

For each item that is not checked, a consequence should be applied unless there is a good reason for why something was not done.  Tears and whining may follow as your children try to defend why they did not comply.  Listen, but don’t give in.  They will learn that arguing and trying to manipulate you won’t get them off the hook; if they want to keep their privileges they need to behave positively. 

This type of chart can save you time because you don’t have to remind your children of their responsibilities or argue with them if they slack off.  Instead, you stay positive, pro-active, and consistent. 

*The excerpt above is taken from the unedited article, pre publication.  For a complimentary copy of the entire article as published in Hawaii Parent visit distribution points on Oahu such as Times Supermarkets, Daiei, Safeway, Star Market, Ben Franklin, commissaries, preschools & kindergartens, libraries, physicians' & dentists' offices, retailers of children's products, and other community organizations. 

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© 2008 Suzanne J.  Gelb, Ph.D., J.D.